$100 To Open a Checking Account
The ante is going up for new checking account openings. People’s United Bank (Connecticut) has a great checking account offer — $100 if you open with Direct Deposit – but they could have improved their mailing piece with some copy changes.
(link to the ABA Bank Marketing Magazine, Sept. 2010 – http://magazines.aba.com/bmmag/201009?sub_id=AmkkXzJP94Ql#pg6)
1. Headline: Consumers may have some strong feelings about banks nowadays, but “loving them” is usually not at the top of the list. The purpose of the headline is to answer the key question, “What’s in it for me?” … and this does not do it. On the outer envelope, the bank uses the phrase “If you’re looking for a better bank,” which is a much more realistic approach to continue here.
2. $100 Offer: Why choose the word “investing” here? It will only confuse the reader and not bring home the selling point, which is: We will give you $100!
3. Opening Paragraph: Cute; but confusing. Again the copy is hampered by words which will make the reader slow down and puzzle their way through the meaning. How about something similar, but simpler, like: Yes, it’s unusual for a bank to give away $100. But People’s United is an unusual bank.
“A lot of other freebies.” The general tone of the copy appears to be geared to a younger audience. If that was the demographic selection for the mailing list, they are right on target in their word choice.
4. Another Account?: In the second paragraph, they want to introduce the concept of upselling to get additional benefits; but will again, I fear, confuse the reader. Better to put this concept in the P.S. – and no need to mention another product name. They could just say, “When we talk, ask us how you can upgrade your checking account and get loads of other free stuff!”
5. Call To Action: The last paragraph in this abbreviated letter has a clean and clear call to action. They could have made it just a little stronger with a reminder of the key benefit: “To get your $100 bonus,…”
6. P.S. : It is not clear what is the “Here’s something” is … is it the fake check below? Better to use this space to talk about upgrade opportunities – and possibly mention some of the key benefits they would get.
7. Personalized Coupon: This is one of the strongest parts of this mailing. The personalization and placement of the prospect’s local branch address is neat; as is his name in script on the fake check (which is adroitly explained in the bottom line).
This mailing has a solid offer, which is written in today’s language to a younger audience. Even with its sometimes confusing copy, it should prove successful